In a previous blog I suggested that workplace bullying is, more often than not, subtle: disguised as “strong management”, creating a culture of fear of speaking out or saying no, leading to feelings of inadequacy, and often resulting in long term anxiety and stress.
It’s all too easy to dwell in the past, thinking of things said and – more importantly – unsaid; harbouring feelings of injustice, unfairness, and hurt which haven’t completely gone away as people only heard one side of the story.
At the same time though, hindsight is, as they say, a wonderful thing! The complexity of the dynamics involved, and the thinking behind the actions of those “strong managers” who chose to protect their reputations by creating a narrative which worked for them and the businesses, becomes clearer and to an extent, understandable. As does the fact that colleagues either chose – or had little choice but– to accept the version they were presented with.
But “bullying” is a very strong and emotive word. In our personal lives, maybe it’s more a case of being “put upon”, manipulated, or simply disappointed by behaviours that we wouldn’t expect from those we thought were closest to us. Just as hurtful. Just as damaging. Perhaps moreso as we’d like to believe we wouldn’t respond in the same way.
My earlier reflection went on to say that closure sometimes needs to be created internally, rather than validated externally. It’s perhaps ironic then, that as this weekend hailed the end of Anti-Bullying Week, a simple – but deliberate – act by a former colleague who I’d recruited, supported and championed during the early years of her career, proved to be the final piece of my closure jigsaw! And do you know what?! It feels great!
I’ll continue to advocate for fairness at work, support those whose voices are unheard, and encourage people to take the learning out of every experience – painful or disappointing though it might have been at the time – to improve themselves and/or others.
So if you fear that you have a culture of “strong management” that needs addressing, or if you have specific incidents to deal with, or if you’ve been on the receiving end and don’t know where to turn, don’t leave it any longer! I’m happy to share expertise and experience from all sides of the table to start changing behaviours, and help people “move on”.